I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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