dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
