Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
