i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
