so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
