I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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