How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize