She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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