he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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