Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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