Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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