do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
