i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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