Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize