Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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