She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
