i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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