Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
