Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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