need another drink. this is the easiest way
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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