So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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