i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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