i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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