So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
