Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Boobs are out for the taking
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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