just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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