I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
