Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
