I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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