I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
