Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
