How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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