Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
