i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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