Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
