He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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