Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
