He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I AM VODKA MAN
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
