good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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