Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
