I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
