What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
