I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize