I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize