i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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