so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
