I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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