He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
