Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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