hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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