Dual....:-)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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