who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize