Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
