When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
and she was petting her beer can
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
