The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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