It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
