The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
