You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
whose ass print is on the piano?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
