It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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