Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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