I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
