Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
