Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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