Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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