you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
pop tarts are not kleenex
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
