ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Who died my cat blue again?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
