proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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