I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
